I am with you always

Dear Friends,

Thank you very much for stopping by! Thanks for all your prayers and encouragements.

Just a short update on my current condition.

With bipolar disorder, whenever I am well, I am usually kind of hypomanic. Writing and reading is a breeze. My thoughts flow naturally and I can write a lot. I also tend to talk a lot. You can see from my past postings on this blog that I tend to post very long posts and almost every day.

But now I am rather slowed down. My thoughts are dis-jointed. My concentration level is low. Reading and writing takes much effort. Even talking is difficult. When I am a little better, I will tend to want to read, write and talk. But I will be terribly exhausted after that.

So I am coping by cutting down on activities that tire me out.

I learn to lower my expectations of self by not expecting myself to do too much during this period of time.

It is hard as I have perfectionism character trait and begin to feel a sense of uselessness.

But I try to remind myself that I am just taking a break. I can still be useful and contribute when I am better.

I try to exercise more regularly as my body has become so easily tired and lethargic.

I read the Bible and pray daily and am finding much comfort in God's Words.

I re-read this encouraging devotional from CH Spurgeon, that reminds me once again God is with me and will never leave me nor forsake me.

“I am with you alway.”
Matthew 28:20

It is well there is One who is ever the same, and who is ever with us.

It is well there is one stable rock amidst the billows of the sea of life.

O my soul, set not thine affections upon rusting, moth-eaten, decaying treasures, but set thine heart upon him who abides for ever faithful to thee.

Build not thine house upon the moving quicksands of a deceitful world, but found thy hopes upon this rock, which, amid descending rain and roaring floods, shall stand immovably secure.

My soul, I charge thee, lay up thy treasure in the only secure cabinet; store thy jewels where thou canst never lose them.

Put thine all in Christ; set all thine affections on his person, all thy hope in his merit, all thy trust in his efficacious blood, all thy joy in his presence, and so thou mayest laugh at loss, and defy destruction.

Remember that all the flowers in the world’s garden fade by turns, and the day cometh when nothing will be left but the black, cold earth.

Death’s black extinguisher must soon put out thy candle. Oh! how sweet to have sunlight when the candle is gone!

The dark flood must soon roll between thee and all thou hast; then wed thine heart to him who will never leave thee; trust thyself with him who will go with thee through the black and surging current of death’s stream, and who will land thee safely on the celestial shore, and make thee sit with him in heavenly places for ever.

Go, sorrowing son of affliction, tell thy secrets to the Friend who sticketh closer than a brother.

Trust all thy concerns with him who never can be taken from thee, who will never leave thee, and who will never let thee leave him, even “Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, and to-day, and for ever.”

“Lo, I am with you alway,” is enough for my soul to live upon, let who will forsake me.

(Taken from CH Spurgeon's Morning and Evening, 11 May, Morning)

Thanks again for stopping by!

Take care. Hope you have a blessed weekends.

I will post every now and then to let you know of my condition.

Thanks!

He carry the Lambs in His bosom

I read this encouraging devotional this evening and was reminded once again of God's love and care upon us.

In these recent weeks of poorer health, I am thankful to God that He is keeping me near to Him and strengthening me daily.

In my many years of struggles with bipolar disorder, depression, stress, panic attacks, etc etc, I am very conscious of my own weaknesses.

Some friends have told me over the years too that they think I am very weak.

Some friends think I am very weak physically because I am easily tired and can't endure as much hardness as them.

Some friends think I am very weak mentally because they know I struggled with several prolonged clinical depression over the last few years. To them suffering from depression shows a weakness of mind and character. They have no knowledge or understanding of clinical depression or mood disorders.

Some friends think I am very weak spiritually because they know I have many struggles while they live a relatively carefree life with little struggle or difficulties. To them having struggles in life shows a lack of faith in God. They have little understanding that we are through much tribulation to enter into the kingdom of God and we are in a spiritual warfare daily.

I know I am weak in many ways. And I am thankful that there is One Who will always love me no matter how weak I am. In fact because I am weak, He is especially tender towards me. Because I am weak, His strength is made perfect in my weakness. This person is my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Thank God for carrying me in His bosom and enabling me to know His love and presence with me.

Today, if you are hurting, depressed, lonely, forsaken or suffering in some ways, know that there is One Who loves us tenderly. Our Lord Jesus Christ laid down His life on the cross for us to save us from our sins and we are precious to Him. Call upon Him and He will answer you. Like a lamb, He will carry you in His bosom. He will never leave you nor forsake you.

“He shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom.” - Isaiah 40:11

Who is he of whom such gracious words are spoken?

He is THE GOOD SHEPHERD.

Why doth he carry the lambs in his bosom?

Because He hath a tender heart, and any weakness at once melts his heart.

The sighs, the ignorance, the feebleness of the little ones of his flock draw forth his compassion. It is his office, as a faithful High Priest, to consider the weak.

Besides, he purchased them with blood, they are his property: he must and will care for that which cost him so dear. Then he is responsible for each lamb, bound by covenant engagements not to lose one. Moreover, they are all a part of his glory and reward.

But how may we understand the expression, “He will carry them”?

Sometimes he carries them by not permitting them to endure much trial. Providence deals tenderly with them.

Often they are “carried” by being filled with an unusual degree of love, so that they bear up and stand fast. Though their knowledge may not be deep, they have great sweetness in what they do know.

Frequently he “carries” them by giving them a very simple faith, which takes the promise just as it stands, and believingly runs with every trouble straight to Jesus. The simplicity of their faith gives them an unusual degree of confidence, which carries them above the world.

“He carries the lambs in his bosom.”

Here is boundless affection. Would he put them in his bosom if he did not love them much?

Here is tender nearness: so near are they, that they could not possibly be nearer.

Here is hallowed familiarity: there are precious love-passages between Christ and his weak ones.

Here is perfect safety: in his bosom who can hurt them? They must hurt the Shepherd first.

Here is perfect rest and sweetest comfort. Surely we are not sufficiently sensible of the infinite tenderness of Jesus!

(Taken from CH Spurgeon's Morning and Evening, 14 May, Evening)

May you know God's love in very many wonderful ways today.

Thanks for stopping by. God bless!

Be Still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)

This morning I was unwell and not able to go to church for worship. I am praying that God will strengthen me and enable me to go for evening worship this evening. I missed worship and fellowship. Though I read the Bible and pray everyday, going to church is a totally different experience which I cherish very much. It is always very refreshing to my soul when I can go for public worship. God's Words uplift my soul and give me strength for the week ahead. And I missed my church friends :)

The last few weeks have been busy weeks for me. As I am still learning to manage my condition, work, family, stress, perfectionism, etc etc, I do feel a little overwhelmed at times. Thank God for the rest today. God created the world in 6 days and He rested on the seventh. And so today is a day of rest for both body and soul.

I am thankful that I can rest in God daily too admist all the hustle and bustle of life. I still feel very very tired every evening and sometimes in the morning too the moment I wake up. There seemed to be so many things I want to do and I think I need to do daily and yet I never seemed to get most things done. Hmm, I suspect this is either my manic or my perfectionist trait playing me out again :)

Thank God for the reminders to me through His precious Words:

Be still
Be still, and know that I am God: Psalm 46:10

Come unto Jesus
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Don't be anxious, pray to God, give thanks and God will give me peace
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Don't worry, do God's works and He will take care of me
Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:25, 33 - 34

God's Words always encourage me. My physical tiredness or mental strain seems so much lighter when I put them all aside and just lost myself in God's love and precious promises. It is my encouragement that God will give me strength in Him daily as I learn to look to Him. Sometimes I tend to forget to cast my anxieties or burdens upon the Lord, and try to do too many things in my own strength. Any wonder that I am so tired out :)

I pray God will enable me to rest in His presence with me and enable me to cling on to His precious promises to carry me through this coming week.

May God also give you strength and joy today and everyday!