Be Still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)

This morning I was unwell and not able to go to church for worship. I am praying that God will strengthen me and enable me to go for evening worship this evening. I missed worship and fellowship. Though I read the Bible and pray everyday, going to church is a totally different experience which I cherish very much. It is always very refreshing to my soul when I can go for public worship. God's Words uplift my soul and give me strength for the week ahead. And I missed my church friends :)

The last few weeks have been busy weeks for me. As I am still learning to manage my condition, work, family, stress, perfectionism, etc etc, I do feel a little overwhelmed at times. Thank God for the rest today. God created the world in 6 days and He rested on the seventh. And so today is a day of rest for both body and soul.

I am thankful that I can rest in God daily too admist all the hustle and bustle of life. I still feel very very tired every evening and sometimes in the morning too the moment I wake up. There seemed to be so many things I want to do and I think I need to do daily and yet I never seemed to get most things done. Hmm, I suspect this is either my manic or my perfectionist trait playing me out again :)

Thank God for the reminders to me through His precious Words:

Be still
Be still, and know that I am God: Psalm 46:10

Come unto Jesus
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Don't be anxious, pray to God, give thanks and God will give me peace
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Don't worry, do God's works and He will take care of me
Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:25, 33 - 34

God's Words always encourage me. My physical tiredness or mental strain seems so much lighter when I put them all aside and just lost myself in God's love and precious promises. It is my encouragement that God will give me strength in Him daily as I learn to look to Him. Sometimes I tend to forget to cast my anxieties or burdens upon the Lord, and try to do too many things in my own strength. Any wonder that I am so tired out :)

I pray God will enable me to rest in His presence with me and enable me to cling on to His precious promises to carry me through this coming week.

May God also give you strength and joy today and everyday!

Coping with Perfectionism

Many people in various stages in my life has told me every now and then that they think I am a perfectionist. I am not too sure the actual definition of a person who has perfectionism as character traits. But I think to some extend I have some of the characteristics in some areas of my life, not every area.

I hope to understand what is Perfectionism, how it is affecting me and what can I do to manage or change areas that need to be changed. I suspect that sometimes this character trait is the culprit to some of my relapses of severe depression. And it is probably the reason why when I am well or manic, I will try and do 101 things and pushed myself so hard that I go through a lot of stress and strain. I think is crucial for me to understand how this character trait is affecting me adversely as it will help greatly in my management of depression and bipolar.

I found this very helpful article on What is Perfectionism on Coping.org:Tools for Coping with Life's Stressors

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is:

• the irrational belief that you and/or your environment must be perfect
• the striving to be the best, to reach the ideal, and to never make a mistake
• an all pervasive attitude that whatever you attempt in life must be done letter perfect with no deviation, mistakes, slip ups, or inconsistencies
• a habit developed from youth that keeps you constantly alert to the imperfections, failings, and weakness in yourself and others
• a level of consciousness that keeps you ever vigilant to any deviations from the norm, the guidelines, or the way things are "supposed to be''
• the underlying motive present in the fear of failure and fear of rejection, i.e., if I am not perfect I will fail and/or I will be rejected by others
• a reason why you may be fearful of success, i.e., if I achieve my goal, will I be able to continue, maintain that level of achievement
• a rigid, moralistic outlook that does not allow for humanism or imperfection
• an inhibiting factor that keeps you from making a commitment to change habitual, unproductive behavior out of fear of not making the change "good enough''
• the belief that no matter what you attempt it is never "good enough'' to meet your own or others' expectations

What irrational beliefs contribute to perfectionism?

• Everything in life must be done to your level of perfection, which is often higher than anyone else's.
• It is unacceptable to make a mistake.
• You must always reach the ideal no matter what.
• If those in authority say this is the way it is supposed to be, then that is the way it is supposed to be.
• You are a loser if you cannot be perfect.
• It is what you achieve rather than who you are that is important.
• I have no value in life unless I am successful.
• There is no sense in trying to do something unless I can do it perfectly, e.g., "I don't attempt things I can't do well.''
• If I have a failure or experience a set back in my efforts to change then I should give up.
• The ideal is what is real; unless I reach the ideal I am a failure.
• There are so many roadblocks and pitfalls to keep me from succeeding. It is better just to give up and forget my goal.
• Unless I am "Number One'' there is no sense in trying. Everyone knows what "Number Two'' is. To win is the only acceptable goal.
• If you screw up in your efforts to achieve a goal, just give up. It must be too hard to achieve.
• You must always strive to reach the ideal in everything you do because it is in the achievement of the ideal that you give meaning to your life.
• Don't ever let anyone know what goal you're working on. That way they won't consider you a failure if you don't reach it.
• If you can't do it right the first time, why try to do it at all?
• There is only one way to reach a goal: the right way.
• It takes too much effort and energy to reach a goal. I save myself the aggravation and discouragement by not setting goals for myself.
• I'll never be able to change and grow the way I want to, so why try.
• I am a human being prone to error, frailty and imperfections; therefore, I won't be able to accomplish things in a perfect or ideal way. I'll just give up on achieving any of my goals or desires.

What are some negative consequences of perfectionism?

Examples of the negative consequences of perfectionism include:

Low self-esteem. Because a perfectionist never feels "good enough'' about personal performance, feelings of being a "failure'' or a "loser'' with a lessening of self-confidence and self-esteem may result.

Guilt. Because a perfectionist never feels good about the way responsibility has been handled in life (by himself or others) a sense of shame, self recrimination, and guilt may result.

Pessimism. Since a perfectionist is convinced that it will be extremely difficult to achieve an "ideal goal,'' he can easily become discouraged, fatalistic, disheartened, and pessimistic about future efforts to reach a goal.

Depression. Needing always to be "perfect,'' yet recognizing that it is impossible to achieve such a goal, a perfectionist runs the risk of feeling down, blue, and depressed.

Rigidity. Needing to have everything in one's life perfect or "just so'' can lead a perfectionistic to an extreme case of being inflexible, non-spontaneous, and rigid.

Obsessiveness. Being in need of an excessive amount of order, pattern, or structure in life can lead a perfectionistic person to become nit-picky, finicky, or obsessive in an effort to maintain a certain order.

Compulsive behavior. Over-indulgence or the compulsive use of alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, shopping, sex, smoking, risk-taking, or novelty, is often used to medicate a perfectionist who feels like a failure or loser for never being able to be "good enough'' in life.

Lack of motivation. Believing that the goal of "change'' will never be able to be ideally or perfectly achieved can often give a perfectionist a lack of motivation to attempt change in the first place, or to persevere if change has already begun.

Immobilization. Because a perfectionist is often burdened with an extreme fear of failure, the person can become immobilized. With no energy, effort or creative juices applied to rectify, improve, or change the problem behavior in the person's life, he becomes stagnant.

Lack of belief in self. Knowing that one will never be able to achieve an idyllic goal can lead a perfectionist to lose the belief that he will ever be able to improve his life significantly.

What rational behaviors are needed to overcome perfectionistic tendencies?

To overcome perfectionism one needs to:

• accept self as a human being
• forgive self for mistakes or failings
• put self back on the wagon immediately after falling off
• accept that the ``ideal'' is only a guideline or goal to be worked toward, not to be achieved 100%
• set realistic and flexible time frames for the achievement of a goal
• develop a sense of patience and to reduce the need to "get it done yesterday''
• be easier on oneself; setting unrealistic or unreasonable goals or deadlines sets you up for failure
• recognize that the human condition is one of failings, weakness, deviations, imperfections, and mistakes; it is acceptable to be human
• recognize that one's backsliding does not mean the end of the world; it is OK to pick oneself up and start all over again
• develop an ability to use "thought stopping'' techniques whenever you find yourself mentally scolding yourself for not being "good enough''
• visualize reality as it will be for a "human'' rather than for a "super human''
• learn to accept yourself the way you are; let go of the ideas of how you "should be''
• enjoy success and achievement with a healthy self-pride, and eliminate the need for self deprecation or false humility
• learn to enjoy success without the need to second guess your ability to sustain the achievement
• reward yourself for your progress, to reinforce your efforts to change even when progress is slight or doesn't meet up to your idealistic expectations
• love yourself; to believe that you deserve good things
• to eliminate unrealistic expectations and the idea that you are infallible
• visualize yourself as "winning'' even when it takes more energy, and more perseverance, than what you had planned
• let go of rigid, moralistic judgments of your performance and to develop an open, compassionate understanding for the hard times, obstacles, and temptations
• be flexible in setting goals and be willing to reassess your plan from time to time to keep things realistic
• be open to the idea that you will be successful in your efforts to change, even if you are not "first,'' "the best,'' "the model,'' "the star pupil,'' "the exemplar,'' "the finest''
• realize that the important thing is to be going in a positive direction

How can a social support system help in overcoming perfectionism?

Social support systems can help you overcome perfectionism if you:

• select realistic people who are not perfectionistic in their own life
• encourage your support system members to not be rigid or moralistic in their attempts to keep you on an honest course
• have support people who role model forgiving and forgetting when mistakes, failures, offenses, or backsliding occur
• have given them permission to call you on being "too hard,'' "too brutal,'' "too rigid,'' "too unrealistic,'' or "too idealistic'' in your expectations
• have people who will give positive reinforcement for any positive change, no matter how small or slight it is
• select trustworthy people who are open, honest, and have a sincere interest in your personal growth

Steps to overcome perfectionism

Step 1: In your journal, answer the following questions:

a. What characteristics of perfectionism are true for me? How do these perfectionistic traits impede my efforts to change my problematic behavior?

b. What irrational beliefs of perfectionists do I ascribe to? How do these beliefs influence my desire to change? How do these beliefs contribute to a failure script in my efforts to change? What rational alternatives can I adopt to reduce the negative impact of perfectionism in my life?

c. What are the negative consequences of perfectionism in my life? What am I doing to address these negative issues in my life? How do these negative issues affect my past and current efforts to change my problematical behavior?

d. What new rational behavior do I need to develop in order to overcome the negative impact of perfectionism? How will these new behavior traits help me to fully achieve change in my life?

e. How can my social support system help me in overcoming my perfectionistic attitude? What contributes to perfectionism in my support system? What changes in my support system would reduce its perfectionistic character?

f. How does dealing with my perfectionism help me in my efforts to change? How well does perfectionism explain why past attempts to change have failed?

Step 2: In your journal, identify a problematic behavioral pattern you want to change; then list the characteristic negative behavior traits of the pattern. For each of the negative characteristics list positive alternative behavior traits. For each of the new alternative behavior list your likelihood of achieving them 100% of the time. How many new behavior traits could you achieve 100% of the time?

Step 3: Once you have recognized that no change can be achieved 100% of the time, continue changing your problematic behavior patterns. If you continue to be hindered by perfectionism, return to Step 1 and begin again.

(Coping.org is a Public Service of James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D., Email: jjmess@tampabay.rr.com ©1999-2007 James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance Messina, Ph.D. Note: Original materials on this site may be reproduced for your personal, educational, or noncommercial use as long as you credit the authors and website.)


Hmm... It's going to take me quite some time to digest the above information. But one quick look through, I can identify some of the things mentioned above :)

I recognize that there are pros and cons in every situation and character traits. It has its strength and weaknesses. I hope I can try to make better use of its strength and minimize the adverse effect of it's weaknesses.

I will try to work through the list slowly to identify the traits that I have and also try Steps to overcome perfectionism given above. I pray God will help me to manage my perfectionism so that it will not bring me down into depression again but that it can work for my good and others good. I hope to share with you my findings next week if I managed to work through this article. I think it is very helpful to me.

How about you? Do you also have some perfectionism in your character traits? Or are you the more easy going type? How do you cope? What are the advantages or disadvantages you have experienced due to it?

I hope you will find this article useful to you too if you also struggle to cope with perfectionism :-)

Thanks for stopping by. Do leave a comment and share your thoughts with me, if any, as I really love to hear from you :)

Thank you. Take care. Have a great weekends!

I've been tagged! by Marissa

I have been tagged by Marissa. Sorry, for taking so long, Marissa. I am answering your Survey now :)

The rules are:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you've posted your answer.

1) What was I doing 10 yrs ago?

I was about to graduate from the Bible College. Thank God I survived 4 stressful but blessed years in the Bible College. Busy writing my thesis in preparation for my graduation in May 1998.

2) What are 5 things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

1. Reply to some emails
2. Visit my blogging friends
3. Go with my mum to buy grocery
4. Work on one freelance project
5. Slow down towards the evening, pray, read the Bible and prepare my heart for the Lord's day tomorrow

3) Snacks I enjoy:

Fruits, biscuits, brownie, chocolates, salad, peanuts and any other nuts ( I love nuts ;) ).

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

Give a portion to every family member. Give a portion to my church. Give another portion to charity.

Publish a book on my experiences with Bipolar Disorder. Compile materials I have found useful from the internet and other sources into a book on the Resources for Coping with Depression and Bipolar Disorder.

Help to raise awareness in Singapore on the needs of those with mental health issues and set up centres to provide all kinds of help that they need.

Set up an Elderly Care Centre or a Nursing Home. I have a passion to minister to elderly people and a soft spot for them :)

Set up an Orphanage. It always break my heart to see children forsaken or becoming orphans.

Set up more schools and centres to help children and adults with special needs ie those who struggles with autism, dyslexia, down syndrome, delayed speech, etc etc. I have worked with children with special needs and my heart goes out to them. They have great challenges in their life and more is needed to help them and equip them to live as independently as possible.

Wow! There seemed to be so many things I want to do if I were a billionaire ;)

5) Three of my bad habits:

1. Eating too much chocolate and ice-cream.
2. Procastinating.
3. Talking too much or writing too long :)

6) 5 places I have lived (all the places I have lived):

1. Johor Bahru, Johor, Malaysia (I was born there)
2. Singapore (where I am living now)
3. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
4. Brunei
5. Sydney, Australia

7) 5 jobs I have had:

1. Computer Club Teacher in a School
2. English Teacher in a Learning Centre
3. Clinic Assistant
4. Aircraft Seat Planner at Changi Airport, Singapore
5. Administrator of several organizations

8) 5 peeps I wanna know more about:

1. Jenalexa
2. Merelyme
3. Anne
4. Diane
5. Bipolar Blacklight (Pocket)


Okay. Now you know me a little better ;)

I can be quite playful at times too ;) I think there is always a little child in us ;)

Have a great weekend! And blessed Lord's day.

I've Been Tagged! by Paula Joy and Dream Writer

Paula Joy, Dream Writer and Marissa tagged me recently. I've never been blog-tagged before and for the first time I am tagged by 3 sweet ladies ;)

Sorry, ladies, it has taken me so long to respond :)

Okay, I am going to work on Paula Joy and Dream Writer's tag first as they are the same one. Here it goes !

Rules of the game:

- Link to the person who tagged you.
- Post their rules on your blog.
- Write six random things about yourself.
- Tag six random people by linking to their blogs.
- Let each of the six know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment (on their blogs).
- Let your tagger know when your entry is up.


6 Completely random facts about me:

1) I was dressed up like a boy when I was a child. When I went to school at the age of 7, I started wearing skirts and dresses. Can't believe it, right? :)

2) I have always kept my hair long except for a few occasions where it was difficult to maintain long hair. I like my long hair and I have natural curls though they are not really that curly :)

3) I have a sweet tooth. I love chocolate, ice-creams, cakes and all the sweet stuff. Any wonder that I am so sweet? ;)

4) I was very shy when I was a child and in my teenage years. I used to hide in the room when visitors come for visit. And I was so tongue-tied whenever I meet strangers. Now I am rather different. Whenever I am well or hypomanic, I love to talk and to write, and I can be over friendly even with strangers. And I tend to talk too much or write too long and my friends can't stand me. I am glad my blogging friends don't mind my longwindedness. Thank you so much ;)

5) I love to read. I have 2 big shelves of books in my bedroom. I will sell a shirt to buy a book ;)

6) I am someone who value friendship very much. But some friends think I am just being too emotional. Anyway, thank you very much for being my friends :)

And I am tagging:

1) Jim
2) Michelle
3) Jennifer
4) Susan
5) Darlene
6) From an Acorn

Thank God for seeing me through a blessed week. Thank you all for stopping by. Hope you have a restful and wonderful weekends. And a most blessed Lord's day ;)

Take care.

Thankful Thursday

For more participants of Thankful Thursday, do visit Iris at Sting My Heart. It will be a very blessed and spiritually uplifting experience for you!

O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever. Psalm 107:1

Thank God for seeing me through another week. I have many things to be thankful for :-)

1. Thank God for the encouragements He has given to me through the videos of Nick Vujicic. Nick is from Australia and he was born with no arms or legs yet he is trusting in the Lord daily and living a life that is not only as normal as he can, but he is also doing many wonderful things too by the mercies and power of God. He is a living testimony of the power of God to save a lost sinner from sins and give him the grace to live a victorious life in Christ despite severe infirmities. Seeing Nick going about his daily life, doing all the things which seems almost impossible without arms and legs, and yet he did it and did it with such cheerfulness, is a life changing experience for me! It helps me to look beyond my own infirmities and limitations to the power of God and the sufficiency of His grace. It helps me to count my blessings!

2. Thank God for a very blessed Lord's day of worship and fellowship. Thank God for a very powerful message from Ephesians 2:8-10 in which I am reminded afresh that we are saved by grace through faith in our Lord Jesus Christ and we are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them. This message reminds me that God is the Potter and I am the clay. God is my Creator and He is doing a deeper work in me daily so that I can serve Him and be what He wants me to be. I thank God for every opportunity to serve Him in little ways.

3. I am thankful to God for hearing the prayers of my church for a very dear couple in our church who has been going through a very severe trial in their life over the last few months. Thank God for delivering them and sustaining them and answering our prayers in His very wonderful ways. They are still facing much difficulties and trials at the moment, but we are comforted that God is working all things for His glory and their good, and His grace is sufficient for them. Thank God that my church can grow in our walk with Him and our friendship with this couple through this trial.

4. I thank God for giving me much grace and strength to go through a very stressful situation last week. I had a panic attack when that incident happened and I prayed to the Lord to grant me wisdom to know how to handle that difficult situation. I prayed too for His peace to guard my heart as I experienced great anxieties. The panic attack lasted for 10 minutes. Thank God for granting me grace to cope and everything turned out okay. Thank God for restoring peace to me too when the panic attack subsided.

5. Thank God for His mercies in providing yet other freelance job opportunities to me. These are small and manageable freelance opportunities, and I am thankful for each one of them. Thank God for His wonderful provisions.

6. Thank God that I managed to use my passion in making bookmarks to help a church friend to make 40 bookmarks for his students who are taking their exams soon. I am glad to be able to help my friend and earn some income too through this hobby which I enjoyed very much.

7. Thank God that my medical review with my Doctor on Monday when on very well. My Doctor is monitoring my medicine level and she is pleased with my progress so far. She is also helping me to trace possible triggering factors of my condition and is teaching me how to identify them and manage them. Thank God for a caring and kind Doctor.

I gave a bouquet of artificial roses to my Doctor 4 months ago when I saw her. She liked it very much and many of her patients have commented that the roses are so beautiful and they looked so real. On Monday, my Doctor shared with me that she has given those lovely flowers to a very sickly lady who was hospitalised. Those roses brought so much cheer and comfort to the sick lady. My Doctor apologized that she has to give my gift to her away but she knows that I will not mind. I was very moved by my Doctor's kindness in giving away something that she likes very much and I am so glad that the gift is able to cheer someone in need. I told her that I am glad she pass it on. Little things can mean a lot to some people. And this dear sickly lady cherished those roses so much and she said whenever she feels down, she look at those flowers and think of how she is loved by others. Such a joy to know that. Joy is always doubled when we pass it on :-)

8. I am thankful for my other blogging friends and penpals who keep up visiting, commenting and writing with me. It is always encouraging to hear from all of you, to read your blog or email. May God continue to bless our friendships. Thanks to all of you for stopping by.

9. I am thankful for many new friends I am getting to know through Word-Filled Wednesday and Thankful Thursdays. Thank you all for stopping by and your kind comments! Reading all the precious promises of God with the lovely photos that you have posted on your blogs is very uplifting. And reading the many thankful items you have posted also helps me to be more thankful daily :-) Thanks for stopping by.

10. Thank God for His goodness and mercies daily, and for giving me much strength and joy in Him. I am thankful for my family, church friends and other friends who continue to love me and encourage me through all the changing scenes in life.

Sorry, my posts are always pretty long :-) I have so many things to be thankful for :-)

How about you? How has the Lord blessed and guide you through the week? What are the things you are thankful for over the week?

Thank you for stopping by. Do drop me a comment if you can and it will make my day!

Hope you have a blessed day!