How carers or friends can help - Part 2

Dr. David P Murray produced a series of 6 video messages on "Depression and the Christian" which are very helpful to both sufferers and their carers/friends. These video messages were a great help to me last January when I first started reading and researching further into depression. I am particularly helped by the very balance and biblical view Dr David P Murray shared in his messages and the various helps he suggested.

These 6 messages are available on .pdf, .mp3 and video formats which can be downloaded from the website of Sermon Audio.

Dr. David P Murray served as the Pastor of Lochcarron Free Church of Scotland from 1995 to 2000, and then of Stornoway Free Church of Scotland (continuing) from 2000 to 2007. In August 2007 he accepted a call to be the Professor of Old Testament and Practical Theology at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary in Grand Rapids, Michigan.

In his 6th message, Dr David P Murray wrote on the topic "The Carers":

INTRODUCTION

We have been studying depression from a biblical perspective, and have covered five areas so far:

•The Crisis
•The Complexity
•The Condition
•The Causes
•The Cures

We now come to the final area of our study – The Carers. For our purposes, the carers are the depressed Christian’s family, friends, and fellow-Christians, who will be involved to one degree or another in helping the sufferer to get better. Usually these carers will have no medical training and often they will have very limited or incorrect knowledge of mental illness. However, they have a critical role in helping a depressed person get better. Research has shown that mental health patients will get better much quicker if they have someone close to them whom they can confide in and get support from.

This lecture, then, will consider ten areas for carers to consider when trying to help a depressed person get better.

1. Study

As Christians, we surely want to be the person whom our loved ones turn to in time of need. And, when they do turn to us, we want to be able to help them and not hurt them further.

It is, therefore, imperative that we learn about depression and other mental illnesses in order to avoid the very common mistakes that lay-people often make when dealing with the mentally ill, and in order to be of maximum benefit to those who are suffering.

Apart from studying how Jesus dealt with the ill, the weak, and the distressed you might want to read some of the very helpful books, written from a Christian perspective, which are now available. In order of readability and usefulness they are:

Overcoming Spiritual Depression by Arie Elshout.

I’m not supposed to feel like this by Chris William, Paul Richards, and Ingrid Whitton Broken Minds by Steve and Robyn Bloem.

A Practical Workbook for the Depressed Christian by Dr John Lockley

Another book, of course, is the well-known Spiritual Depression by Dr Martyn Lloyd-Jones. However, you should be aware that Dr Lloyd-Jones does not deal with every aspect of depression as an illness, but rather only with some of the spiritual consequences of depression.

A book which is written from a non-Christian perspective, but which is still useful, is Mind over Mood by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky.

It is important to remember that reading these books will not turn you into a mental health professional, but it will make you more useful and helpful to loved ones in distress.

2. Sympathy

Thoughtful and prayerful study of mental illness should naturally and automatically increase our sympathy for those who suffer with it. By sympathy we mean an ability to communicate that we truly understand the problem and the symptoms, that we are deeply concerned, and that we will do all that we can to help. In many cases, such sympathy can have powerful therapeutic effect on the sufferer. The lack of it can only multiply the pain and deepen the darkness. Consider the following quote from Russell Hampton, who suffered himself from depression:

"If there were a physical disease that manifested itself in some particularly ugly way, such as postulating sores or a sloughing off of the flesh accompanied by pain off an intense and chronic nature, readily visible to everyone, and if that disease affected fifteen million people in our country, and further, if there were virtually no help or succour for most of these persons, and they were forced to walk among us in their obvious agony, we would rise up as one social body in sympathy and anger. There isn’t such a physical disease, but there is such a disease of the mind, and about fifteen million people around us are suffering from it. But we have not risen in anger and sympathy, although they are walking among us in their pain and anguish."

It will greatly help you to sympathise if you always remember that you could just as easily be in the same position, suffering the same illness.

For who maketh thee to differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it? (1 Cor.4:7).

If you treat depressed people with impatient contempt, you may, like many others before you, have to learn sympathy the hard way.

3. Support

Support follows sympathy. It involves being available to listen and talk either in person or at the end of a phone. It includes praying with the person, especially as the mentally ill may find it impossible to put words and sentences together in prayer. It means unconditional love, love which is maintained even when you do not agree with every decision your loved one is making, and even when they may unjustly turn on you. It requires practical help such as child-minding to enable a young mother to get a few free hours each week, or such as taking an elderly person out in the car to give them a refreshing change of scenery. It demands wisdom to know when you are getting out of your depth and more professional support is needed from medical services. The benefits of such supportive friendship cannot be overestimated:

The presence, the availability, just the existence of a friend like this provides a tremendous degree of comfort to the depressed person, as it demonstrates in physical terms how much he is cared for, accepted, loved, as he is, warts and all. It is not difficult for the depressed person to go on to realise that if individual Christians can love him that much, how much more will God do the same.

Unconditional friendship is the key, as is loyalty. The real friends are the one who can accept the depressed person as he is – on good days, bad days, sad days, frightened days and angry days. Friends like this don’t put pressure on in any way, but allow the sufferer to be himself, however horrid that may seem to be. As one of my depressed friends said, “It’s a relief not to have to put on a disguise.”

On a congregational level, pastors and officebearers should encourage a supportive atmosphere: For our churches to be really effective in supporting those with mental health difficulties, we need to establish a culture where everyone in the local church knows that it is acceptable to have problems
from time to time, and that the church as a whole – and especially its leadership – is there to support church members during these times as well as in times of success.

The Church should be especially aware of the need to “support the supporters”. To be an effective support to the mentally ill is physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually demanding. As Christians we need to be conscious of the need not only to support the depressed person but also to minister to the needs of their nearest and dearest.

4. Stigma

There is still a stigma attached to mental illness, and depression in particular. Ignorance and misunderstanding have filled the public mind with many prejudices and falsehoods. As a result, many still view mental illnesses such as depression as a choice, or as a sign of weakness, or as an excuse to opt-out of life. The depressed person may also share these mistaken beliefs, and so double their sense of guilt and failure. Consequently, they will often be very reluctant to admit what they are feeling, and so go for many long months or even years without asking for help or seeking treatment.

Following steps 1-3 above will help to reduce this stigma. But the Church can also help by making clear that Christians do not have to be perfect with no problems, and by demonstrating that when people do experience problems they will not be ignored or avoided.

Also, the preacher should present a balanced view of the Christian life, as represented in the Psalms, over a third of which deal with fear, anxiety, and despair. This is part and parcel of normal Christian experience in an abnormal world. Let us remind ourselves again and again:

For who maketh thee to differ from another? and what hast thou that thou didst not receive? now if thou didst receive it, why dost thou glory, as if thou hadst not received it? (1 Cor.4:7).

Almost anyone can experience mental health problems, given the wrong sequence of life experiences and stressors.

5. Secrecy

As is clear from the above, it often takes a huge amount of courage for someone to admit to depression, often due to the fear of what people will say. If someone, therefore, trusts you enough to confide in you, then you must maintain the strictest confidence. There must be no “sanctified” gossip – “I’m just telling you this so that you can pray about it…!” It is tragic that so many depressed Christians have to prolong their secret suffering because of a justified fear that no one can keep a secret in the Church! The Church is in desperate need of Christians who are known to have this simple talent – they keep confidences.

6. Self-esteem

Depression and anxiety bring to the surface deeply rooted self-doubts and self-criticism. The depressed person will often feel useless and worthless. They will have very low self-esteem. What should we do to address this?

Some Christians are reluctant to give people any praise or encouragement because of the risk of making a person proud. However, it is safe to say that pride is one of the least risky vices for someone who is depressed. Pride results from having an over-inflated view of oneself. Depression involves the opposite.

Other Christians misconstrue the doctrine of original sin and total depravity to mean that there is no kind of “good” in anyone, and so again fail to say anything positive to the person. However, without minimising the wickedness of the human heart and without denying our inability to do anything pleasing to God apart from through faith in Christ, we should feel free to encourage the depressed person to have a more realistic view of themselves by highlighting their God-given gifts, their contributions to the lives of others, their usefulness in society, and, if they are Christians, their value to the Church. For example, a depressed young mother may feel a total failure in every area of her life because she has not got a perfect home or perfect kids. We can help such a person to see that she achieves a lot in a day even though she might not manage to do everything she would like. We might remind her of all the meals she makes, clothes she washes and irons, the shopping she organised, and so on, and so help her to see herself and her life in a more accurate and realistic light.

It is wrong to pat ourselves on the back when something has been accomplished as a result of our initiative. It is equally wrong, however, to focus on what we have not accomplished. In 1 Corinthians 15:10 we have a clear example of humility accompanied with a healthy opinion of one's accomplishments: "But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God whichwas with me." Paul knew very well that he daily offended in many things (James 3:2; cf. Rom. 7; Phil. 3:12), and yet he did not go so far as to cast out all his accomplishments. I do not believe that this is God's will. In contrast to sinful forms of self-confidence and self-respect, there are also those that are good, necessary, and useful. Without a healthy sense of these, human beings cannot function well. We may pray for an appropriate sense of self-confidence and selfrespect, clothed in true humility, and we must oppose everything that impedes a healthy development of these things (be it in ourselves or others) with the Word of God.

7. Subjectivism

One of the most common tendencies in depression is to focus on feelings, and to base beliefs and conclusions on these feelings. This is especially true of Christians. They may feel forsaken and so conclude they are forsaken, etc. There is also the tendency to read Bible passages and books which address the feelings in the hope that this will help to restore true feelings, whereas such a focus tends only to make things worse.

We should encourage the depressed person to move away from the realm of the subjective and to instead think on the objective truths of Christianity – things which are true regardless of our feelings – justification, adoption, the atonement, the attributes of God, heaven, etc.

8. Speak

The general rule is to listen much and to speak little. However, here are a number of things not to say:

• Pull yourself together
• Don’t get so emotional
• O, you’ll soon get over it
• It’s a sin to be depressed
• Just believe the promises
• Smile, it can’t be that bad
• Well, things could be worse
• At least it’s nothing serious
• You should confess your sins
• You are not still on medication, are you?

The more you understand depression the less likely you will say such hurtful and damaging things.

9. Suicide

If you suspect someone is considering suicide then you should sensitively and wisely ask the person if they are thinking along these lines. This will not plant suicidal thoughts in their minds, but may allow the suicidal person to admit to this and to seek professional help.

In Broken Minds, the pastor Steve Bloem gives a number of reasons he has, at times, used to convince himself not to commit suicide:

• It is a sin and would bring shame to Christ and His church.
• It would please the devil and would weaken greatly those who are trying to fight him.
• It would devastate family members and friends, and you may be responsible for them following your example if they come up against intense suffering.
• It may not work and you could end up severely disabled but still trying to fight depression.
• It is true – our God is a refuge (Ps.9:10)
• Help is available. If you push hard enough, someone can assist you to find the help you need.
• If you are unsaved, you will go to hell. This is not because of the acts of suicide but because all who die apart from knowing Christ personally will face an eternity in a far worse situation than depression.
• If you are a Christian, then Jesus Christ is interceding for you, that your faith will not fail.
• God will keep you until you reach a day when your pain will truly be over.

10. Slow

It is important to realise that there are no easy answers and there are no quick fixes in dealing with depression. It usually takes many months and in some cases even years to recover. You should, therefore, take a long-term view and patiently wait for improvement. Don’t get frustrated over lack of progress and be aware that temporary relapses may occur.

Patience is essential, because, by the nature of illness, the depressed person is likely to go over the same ground time and again, needing the same reassurance that was given a day, a week or a month ago.

In the meantime let us take our depressed Christian brethren continually before the throne of grace and plead, “Lord, he whom thou lovest is sick.”

CONCLUSION

In the course of these lectures we have been looking particularly at how depression affects the Christians. In closing I would like to refer back to something which I have touched upon now and again – the way God will sometimes use depression to bring an unconverted person to the Saviour. If you are unconverted and feeling depressed, at least part of the solution may be repentance from your sins and faith in Christ. That is not to say that you may not need medication and counselling as well. However, medication and counselling will only be a temporary solution if you do not seriously address your spiritual state before God. Pills might get you through this world, but they will not be available in hell, the place of ultimate torment, despair, and gnashing of teeth.“Believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved.”

Other messages in this series of lectures on "Depression and the Christians":

•The Crisis

•The Complexity

•The Condition

•The Causes

•The Cures

How to Dance in the Rain

Recently, I reflected much on the various friendships God has given me throughout my life, and the tremendous blessings these friendships have been in helping me to grow and be a more useful person.

But of all the human friendships and relationships on this earth, I think none is so precious as that of one's own spouse. I believe that it is good for husbands and wives to have their circle of friends even after marriage, but ultimately their closest and dearest human friend on earth should be their own spouses. And for both of them, their best Friend is our Saviour and Lord Jesus Christ.

Sometimes I feel sad that my good friends, whether it be a man or woman, once they are married they can't maintain a close friendship with me anymore. But I also understand that their spouses should be their closest friend on this earth, and their family, their spouse and children will have to take priority over any other relationships in this world. This is my own stand too. If I ever marry in the Lord, I pray that God may enable me to be my husband's best human friend and he mine. And our Lord Jesus Christ must always be most important in our lives, even more than we are to one another. If we have God and the Lord Jesus Christ as the foundation of our love and friendship, it will be a blessed and lasting one, as we will be able to pray and seek Him together, and also serve Him together.

Johnson See, my brother-in-Christ at another church, FERC, shared the following heart-warming article on the relationship between a husband and his wife :

How To Dance In The Rain

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb.

He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am.

I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would be able to see him.

I saw him looking at his watch, and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry.

The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I inquired as to her health; he told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late.

He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are'?

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is'.

I had to hold back tears as he left; I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, 'That is the kind of love I want in my life'.

True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, But how to dance in the rain.'

"We do not remember days,
we remember moments."



(I took the picture of these 2 lovely swans made of flowers at the Sentosa Flower exhibition at Sentosa Island, Singapore.)

In the Bible, God described to us the true unconditional and lasting love that He has exhibited towards us and the same kind of love which He desires us to emulate. This is possible only if we have His Spirit within us and His grace helping and enabling us as we pray and seek His help daily to do so. The word "love" is translated as "charity" in the King James Bible :

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind;
charity envieth not;
charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly,
seeketh not her own,
is not easily provoked,
thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity,
but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things,
believeth all things,
hopeth all things,
endureth all things.
8 Charity never faileth:

One modern English Bible translation, translated the above passage as:

4 Love is patient. Love is kind. Love isn't jealous. It doesn't sing its won praises. It isn't arrogant.
5. It isn't rude. It doesn't think about itself. It isn't irritable. It doesn't keep track of wrongs.
6. It isn't happy when injustice is done, but it is happy with the truth.
7. Love never stops being patient, never stops believing, never stops hoping, never gives up.
8. Love never comes to an end.

Richard Baxter wrote a very useful and biblical view of marriage entitled "The Mutual Duties of Husbands and Wives towards Each Another".

Baxter also wrote a helpful article for husbands on the "Special Duties of Husbands to their Wives".

The Covenant Family Fellowship has a very useful article on "The Defence of Family Worship.

In the Bible, God describes marriages as reflecting the relationship between our Lord Jesus Christ and the Church.

Ephesians 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
26 That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,
27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.
29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
32 This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.
33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

In the Bible, God teaches us that husbands are to love their wives even as Christ loved the Church and gave His life for it. Wives are to submit lovingly to their husbands who are the head of the family even as Christ is the head of the Church.

May all Christian marriages strive, by the grace of God, to reflect the loving relationship between Christ and the Church. What a blessed marriage that would be! Surely this will be another great blessing of God and a little taste of heaven on earth :-)

Thank God for husbands / wives who stood by their spouses who have bipolar disorder or other mood disorders. It is a great mercy to be married to a husband/wife who will love us at all times.

With my formal diagnosis of proneness to bipolar disorder in March 2007, I know that it is unlikely for me to marry as there is still such a terrible stigma associated with mood disorder or poor mental health, even among Christians. In my younger days, I have cherished the hope of marrying a Christian man who loves the Lord, and to seek and serve the Lord together with him. But now I am thinking that perhaps it is God's will after all that I should remain single. I cannot bring myself to think of the pain and sufferings my future family may have to go through with me in this mood disorder. Though my condition is currently under control, bipolar disorder is a lifelong condition just like asthma and diabetes. The nature of this mood disorder is such that we will go through the same ground over and over again even though we are on medication and other helps. I pray that now with the knowledge of my actual diagnosis, the Lord will enable me to seek appropriate help and treatment. And by God's mercies, hopefully my downtime may be lesser and lesser, and I may be more functional and able to serve our Lord more effectively.

I realized that as long as we are in the will of God, that is the best for us. So it doesn't matter to me any more whether I am single or married. I will continue to seek and serve the Lord in my various callings, to the best of my ability, as He enables me. I found that, by the goodness and mercies of God, I have no lack of love from family and friends. The Lord in His faithfulness has provided me with family, church brethren and friends who love and care for me in many wonderful ways. These are tokens of God's love for me, and it is enough to sustain me through this pilgrim journey :-)

To God be the glory.

The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee. Jeremiah 31:3

The faithfulness of Divine Love

Recently, I read a very encouraging portion from CH Spurgeon's Morning and Evening on 28 Feb evening. I am using CH Spurgeons' Morning and Evening as part of daily devotion besides reading the Bible and prayer. I always find his writing very devotional and heart warming. He is a man after God's own heart and my heart is always strangely warmed when reading his writing and sermons.

Spurgeon shared from 1 King 17 about Elijah and the widow from Zarephath. In particular, he commented as follows on 1 King 17:6 :

“The barrel of meal wasted not, neither did the cruse of oil fail, according to the word of the Lord, which he spake by Elijah.”

Spurgeon directed us to see the faithfulness of divine love. The widow of Zarephath had daily necessities. She had herself and her son to feed in a time of famine; and now, in addition, the prophet Elijah was to be fed too. But though the need was threefold, yet the supply of meal wasted not, for she had a constant supply. Each day she made calls upon the barrel, but yet each day it remained the same.

So it is with us. We have daily necessities, and because they come so frequently, we are apt to fear that the barrel of meal will one day be empty, and the cruse of oil will fail us. Spurgeon encouraged us to be rest assured that, according to the Word of God, this shall not be the case. Each day, though it bring its trouble, shall bring its help; and though we should live to outnumber the years of Methuselah, and though our needs should be as many as the sands of the seashore, yet shall God’s grace and mercy last through all our necessities, and we shall never know a real lack.

For three long years, in this widow’s days, the heavens never saw a cloud, and the stars never wept a holy tear of dew upon the wicked earth: famine, and desolation, and death, made the land a howling wilderness, but this woman never was hungry, but always joyful in abundance.

So shall it be with us. Others may suffered without help or relief, but we shall find that our place of defence shall be the munition of rocks: “Your bread shall be given you, and your water shall be sure.” Spurgeon said it is better to have God for our guardian, than the Bank of England for our possession. We might spend the wealth of the Indies, but the infinite riches of God we can never exhaust.


What a comfort to remember afresh that God cares for us in very wonderful ways daily. Though we have daily necessities, God provides for our every need - spiritual and temporal as we look to Him daily. May He enable us to know Him, love Him and serve Him daily.





I took this picture at East Coast Beach Park, Singapore





I have been young and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread. Psalm 37:25

God is our refuge and strength

Thank God that this evening I was able to attend the Prayer Meeting in my church. It's been a long time since I last attended our Prayer Meeting due to my poor health condition and other reasons. Thank God for a kind sister-in-Christ who fetched me there and send me home.

I was greatly encouraged by my Pastor's sharing on Psalm 46. This is one of my favourite psalms in the Bible.

Pastor JJ exhorted us that in the troubles and trials of our lives, there are 3 lessons we can learn from this Psalm.

1) We are not to fear. Psalm 46 begins with these verses

1 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3 Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.

In the worst calamities that can befall us or the severest trials we may go through in this life, we need not fear because God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (v1). Verses 2 and 3 described the worst that can happen on this earth - the earth be removed, the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea, the water thereof roar (probably a tsunami) and the mountains shake. Even if these should happen, we can find our refuge in God. Underneath us is His everlasting arms. (Deut 33:27)

2) We are not to be shakened or moved. Psalm 46:4-7 reads

4 There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.
6 The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.
7 The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

In the trials of our life, we are not to be shaken or moved because God is with us (v7) and in us (v5) through the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is with us to comfort and strength us. God promised that He will never leave us nor forsake us.

3) We are not to fret or be anxious. Psalm 46:8-11 reads :

8 Come, behold the works of the LORD, what desolations he hath made in the earth.
9 He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.
10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
11 The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

In time of anguish and sufferings, we may find our refuge in God who can quiet all the noise within and without us because He is God (v10). He is sovereign over all situations in our life. Nothing can happen to us without His foreknowledge. We can cast all our cares and anxieties upon Him and know that He is working all things for His glory and our good.


Thank God for such a comfort and encouragement through His Words. In this life, we may face many different trials, difficulties and sufferings. But we can find our refuge and strength in God. We can find our peace in Him in the midst of whatever turmoil we may experience. We can be still and know that He is God. In Him alone we can experience peace in the midst of turmoil and troubles. Thank God that He is with us always and will never leave us nor forsake us.

I took this picture at East Coast Beach Park, Singapore

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed,
and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled,
though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.
There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God,
the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.
God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved:
God shall help her, and that right early.

My brother, Arthur, who is in New Zealand, took this photo at Muriwai Beach, West Auckland, New Zealand.


Be still, and know that I am God - Psalm 46:10

Comforting others with God's comfort

Marja shared on her latest post "Enlarging your soul through grief and loss", on how in her own trials, she is drawing most of her comfort from being there for friends who are in trouble. Coming alongside others somehow brings some healings.

It has been my own experiences too that whenever the Lord enables me to reach out to others who are in need, He brings joy and comfort to me in my own afflictions. Comforting others with the same comfort which God is comforting me, reinforces God's truth, His love and sovereignty in my own life.

Many years ago, I read a very encouraging and inspiring account of the life of CH Spurgeon's wife, Susannah Thompson. I have posted Susannah's story on my Believers' Encouragement blog under "Mrs Spurgeon".

Throughout much of her married life Mrs. Spurgeon was a semi-invalid. For long periods of time she was confined to her home and was not well enough even to attend church. But she bore up nobly under those conditions. She encouraged her husband under his frequent sufferings and did not complain about her own.

Nevertheless, she longed to be busy for the Lord. Every sentence from her pen that has come down to us and every mention of her that has been left by others reveals a very gracious and spiritually minded woman.

In 1875 a door of rich usefulness was opened for her. Her husband's Lectures to My Students had recently been published, and the Lord set upon her heart the desire to send a copy to some needy ministers in England. From what she could save from her housekeeping expenditures, she had just enough to purchase 100 copies of the Lectures. Soon she sent a copy to each of one hundred needy ministers. She thought that was the end of the matter, but although she did not allow her husband to mention what she had done, news of her action spread, and friends began sending her money so she could send out more books. Several of the pastors who had been given the copies sent letters that expressed their thanks and made it evident that books were sorely needed.

Moved by a strong recognition of the need and feeling God wanted her to continue the endeavor, she ordered a number of sets of The Treasury of David. (Spurgeon had written four volumes of that work at that time.) Those also went to needy pastors, and again there came the letters of thanks and further evidence of need. Many men were trying to maintain homes and bring up families on meager incomes.

Although there was still no public mention of what Mrs. Spurgeon had done, money continued to arrive and with it urgent requests that she continue the good work. For instance, one man sent £50, asking that she send a copy of the Lectures to the nearly 500 pastors of the Calvinistic Methodist Churches of North Wales. Then another £50 came to help defray the costs of that undertaking. That was followed by £100 to send the book to the ministers of the same denomination in South Wales.

News of the gifts spread still further, and ministers of various denominations wrote, stating that a copy of the Lectures, the Treasury; or Spurgeon's other writings would be of great help, but that they were too poor to purchase them. And as those letters reached Mrs. Spurgeon, more money arrived. She could see she had a lasting work to do, an undertaking given by God.......There were times she performed her duties in weakness and pain, and other times she was so ill that her labors were entirely prevented.

Nevertheless, over and above the value of the books and the goods to the various recipients, the enterprise was especially valuable to Mrs. Spurgeon herself. It gave her reason to feel that despite her condition she was able to serve. Spurgeon spoke of the endeavour as divinely ordered, and he reported the change it had made in Susannah, saying:

I gratefully adore the goodness of our Heavenly Father, in directing my beloved wife to a work which has been to her fruitful in unutterable happiness. That it has cost her more pain than it would be fitting to reveal, is most true; but that it has brought her boundless joy is equally certain. Our gracious Lord ministered to His suffering child in the most effectual manner, when He graciously led her to minister to the necessities of His service.

By this means He called her away from her personal grief, gave tone and concentration to her life, led her to continual dealings with Himself, and raised her nearer the centre of that region where other than earthly joys and sorrows reigned supreme. Let every believer accept this as the inference of experience, that for most human maladies the best relief and antidote will be found in self-sacrificing work for the Lord Jesus.

And Mrs. Spurgeon testified: "I am personally indebted to the dear friends who have furnished me with the means of making others happy. For me there has been a double blessing. I have been both recipient and donor... My days have been made indescribably bright and happy by the delightful duties connected with the work and its little arrangements.... That I seem to be living in an atmosphere of blessing and love, and can truly say with the Psalmist, "My cup runneth over." Read more.....

What is the meaning of Life?

Whenever I am severely depressed, this question will surface over and over again. During an episode of severe depression that is clinical and last between 3 to 6 months or sometimes longer, to have to face this question every day is a tremendous challenge. Due to some chemical imbalance in my brain in such an episode, I couldn't think clearly nor feel rightly. Depression has a way of numbing my brain so that I am either not able to concentrate to read or think, or my thoughts will be all negative and condemning myself. I seemed incapable of doing anything or deriving any joy in anything I used to enjoy. I could not feel aright, my feelings are either flat most of the time or down most of the time. For some people, during severe depression they will break down in tears and sometimes cry for no particular reasons. For me it was the opposite. In the face of such tremendous pain and struggles, I wanted very much to cry as I felt that may help to release the pain and frustration I am going through during such an episode, but often there are no tears.

During such a episode, I dread to wake up each morning as I couldn't bring myself to face each day. Every morning, when I wake up, I found myself asking over and over again, What is the meaning of life? What is the point of going on like this day after day? I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. There is no way out of this depths. I have no energy to fight on. So many times I prayed that God will take me home. Living on without the ability to enjoy His love, His Words, public worship, personal devotions, family, friends, work, hobbies, etc is so meaningless. During severe depression, nothing seems to help. Day in day out, night in night out, is the same thing and it goes on for days, weeks, months. Others said they have been depressed before and they just prayed, look to God and they are better. But in severe clinical depression, nothing helps. So no one will understand. What is the meaning of life? Why am I here to go through this suffering over and over again as I have been through it some 12 times by now?

I thank God for leading me to seek help at Counselling and Care Centre in Singapore in January 2007. In my first 2 sessions with my counsellor, Sarah, I recounted to her my past relapses of severe clinical depression in the last 20 years. Sarah noted at the end of my second session with her that there is a phrase I keep repeating and that is during every depressive episodes I will wonder "What is the meaning of Life?". Sarah felt that there is a necessity for me to explore this question and to see how I can get a more realistic and biblical view on this question as that will have an impact in my recovery.

When I first saw Sarah in end January 2007, I had just sought medical help and was on anti-depressant (20mg Fluoxetine or common brand name Prozac). Thank God that I am very sensitive to medication and 1 week after taking Fluoxetine, I was feeling better and more functional. The anti-depressant did not cure me totally but it lifted me up to a more functional level so that I can pray and read the Bible once again and find comfort in God and His Words. I was able to wake up without dreading to face each day and therefore able to cope better with work and life in general. The anti-depressant helped to lift up to a level where my thoughts and feelings are more normal, and I can think more rationally. It was then that I can benefit from counsellings/psychotherapy.

So I was more rational and able to think more clearly when I saw Sarah. After hearing my accounts, Sarah asked me what I think is the meaning of life? Sarah wants me to go home and think about this question and to discuss with her in our next counselling session the following week.

At that time, I was seeing Sarah once a week for about an hour each session. Thank God for my employer and colleauges who allowed me to take time off during working hours to see Sarah. Sarah works in a team with several other counsellors, and our sessions are video taped with my permission. In the room where Sarah counselled me, I only get to see her. Her other colleagues in her team were in the next room, watching the video of our taped session. Towards the end of the session, Sarah will go for a short break of 10 mins to discuss with her team members. She will then come back and conclude the session with me by highlighting some discoveries we made during our sessions and to post some question for me to take home and think and pray about. This was how she helped me to explore my thoughts as I do have some faulty or unhelpful thinking patterns which are so ingrafted in me that I am not conscious of them. But they have tremendous negative effects on my life and learning to identify them will help me to challenge them and turn them to more realistic and biblical thoughts and actions. This is the gift of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or counselling/talk therapy/psychotherapy. I will share more about CBT in future posts.

So on my second session with Sarah, I took the question "What is the meaning of Life?" home with me to pray and explore it further.

To be continued......

God our dwelling place

Yesterday, I wrote to several precious friends in my life, as I reflected on God's goodness in causing our paths to cross in many wonderful ways, and how their friendships have been such a blessing to me.

George Wong, my brother-in-Christ in Brunei, replied with an encouraging note and he shared that the book of prayer of Moses on Psalms 90 is also very helpful to him as he attended the funeral service of a loving brother who went home to be with the Lord recently. Psalms 90:1 began by speaking of the Lord being our dwelling place in all generations.

This morning, as part of my personal devotion, I read the encouraging writings of CH Spurgeon in his Morning and Evening on Psalm 91:9 and he also mentioned something about Psalms 90:1! Spurgeon also wrote about God who is our refuge being our dwelling place and habitation. Though we live in an ever changing world, there is no change with regards to God and His love for His people. He is our strong habitation whereunto we can continually resort. We are a pilgrim in the world, but at home in our God. In the earth we wander, but in God we dwell in a quiet habitation.

“Thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation.” - Psalm 91:9

The Israelites in the wilderness were continually exposed to change. Whenever the pillar stayed its motion, the tents were pitched; but tomorrow, ere the morning sun had risen, the trumpet sounded, the ark was in motion, and the fiery, cloudy pillar was leading the way through the narrow defiles of the mountain, up the hill side, or along the arid waste of the wilderness. They had scarcely time to rest a little before they heard the sound of “Away! this is not your rest; you must still be onward journeying towards Canaan!” They were never long in one place. Even wells and palm trees could not detain them. Yet they had an abiding home in their God, his cloudy pillar was their roof-tree, and its flame by night their household fire. They must go onward from place to place, continually changing, never having time to settle, and to say, “Now we are secure; in this place we shall dwell.” “Yet,” says Moses, “though we are always changing, Lord, thou hast been our dwelling-place throughout all generations.” The Christian knows no change with regard to God. He may be rich to-day and poor to-morrow; he may be sickly to-day and well to-morrow; he may be in happiness to-day, to-morrow he may be distressed-but there is no change with regard to his relationship to God. If he loved me yesterday, he loves me to-day. My unmoving mansion of rest is my blessed Lord. Let prospects be blighted; let hopes be blasted; let joy be withered; let mildews destroy everything; I have lost nothing of what I have in God. He is “my strong habitation whereunto I can continually resort.” I am a pilgrim in the world, but at home in my God. In the earth I wander, but in God I dwell in a quiet habitation.
(CH Spurgeon's Morning and Evening, February 27, Morning)

My brother, Arthur, who is in New Zealand, took this photo at Muriwai Beach, West Auckland, New Zealand.

Psalms 90
1 Lord, thou hast been our dwelling place in all generations.
2 Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever thou hadst formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting to everlasting, thou art God.
3 Thou turnest man to destruction; and sayest, Return, ye children of men.
4 For a thousand years in thy sight are but as yesterday when it is past, and as a watch in the night.
5 Thou carriest them away as with a flood; they are as a sleep: in the morning they are like grass which groweth up.
6 In the morning it flourisheth, and groweth up; in the evening it is cut down, and withereth.
7 For we are consumed by thine anger, and by thy wrath are we troubled.
8 Thou hast set our iniquities before thee, our secret sins in the light of thy countenance.
9 For all our days are passed away in thy wrath: we spend our years as a tale that is told.
10 The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away.
11 Who knoweth the power of thine anger? even according to thy fear, so is thy wrath.
12 So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.
13 Return, O LORD, how long? and let it repent thee concerning thy servants.
14 O satisfy us early with thy mercy; that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.
15 Make us glad according to the days wherein thou hast afflicted us, and the years wherein we have seen evil.
16 Let thy work appear unto thy servants, and thy glory unto their children.
17 And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the work of our hands establish thou it.

Some other lovely photos my brother, Arthur, took at Muriwai Beach, West Auckland, New Zealand.

The Love of God and His Amazing Grace

Yesterday, I shared of how God brought to my remembrance the many precious friendships He has placed in my life. I love my friends not only for what they are, but also for what I am when I am with them.

I think true friends have a sanctifying influence on one another. Instead of seeing through one another, they see one another through all the changing scenes of life. True friends are those who knows all about me, my strength and weaknesses and still love and accept me despite the difference in my personality with them or how they may not see eye to eye with me in some things. True friends pray for one another and desire to see each other grow in the love of God and walk more closely with God, and serve Him more fervently. I think true friends are those who are able to admonish and correct one another whenever necessary though that can be painful at times. "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." (Proverbs 27:6) True friends deal kindly and gently with one another instead of speaking harshly or with condemnations. True friends desire the good of one another, and his/her happiness and well being is more important to me.

True friends hope against hope that their friends will change for the better and God can do a deeper work in their souls. True friends do not give up on one another. I read somewhere that "True friends are those who come in when the whole world goes out." True friends do not forsake us even when the world and everybody else forsake us. And such a true Friend we have in Jesus !

.... he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5

A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

True friendships in Christ caused others to see rather clearly that we are the children of God, and we sincerely love our brethren like the way God loves us.

Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 1 John 4:7

Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. Romans 13:8

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. John 13:35

In true Christian friendships of brotherly love, we are willing to lay down our lives for our brethren or friends, if need be. Most of us will not be called to literally lay down our life for our Lord or our brethren. But daily we are called to take up our cross and follow the Lord. We are called to deny ourselves and esteem others better than ourselves. When we take up our cross and walk in the ways of self-denial, the road can be rough and difficult, sometimes painful too, but we will find the Lord walking with us and blessing us in our walk and friendship with others. In His love alone can we find the courage and grace to do what is right for us and for others. Such unconditional love is what the Lord Himself has set before us in His denying His own comfort and suffered and bled for us on the cross that we might be reconciled to God. In His love alone we are enabled to love our brethren as ourselves which is what God desires us to do.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13

Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. 1 John 3:16

If friends are constantly putting one another down, constantly hurting one another or constantly drawing one another away from God and lead one another to undesirable thoughts and actions, these are friendships that will not last forever nor do the friendships benefit each other and others around them.

How hard it is to develop a friendship that really honours God and benefit our friends' souls and ours! We are fallen creatures filled with sins and remaining corruptions. We failed the Lord and one another in so many ways. Though I tried my best to love my friends with the same love that God has loved me, and I pray daily for grace to do so, I am sadly conscious of my many sins and failures towards God and my friends. I thank God that with Him there is forgiveness of sins and I thank God for friends who accept me, forgive me of my faults, accepts me and receive me readily into their fellowship. I know that this is possible because of God's love for us and the love He has placed in our heart for one another. I pray that God may shine forth His love to others through me. I know I am but an instrument in the hands of a mighty, sovereign, just and yet loving God Who loves His people and sends His Son to die for the sins of His redeemed ones.

In all the relationships in my life, God is the One who fills my heart with His love to love Him, His people, my family and others He places along the various paths of my life. The reminder of our Lord Jesus Christ’s great love for us by laying down His life for us is always a great encouragement to me. It never cease to amaze me of God’s love for sinners like us.

I am reminded once again of a hymn/poem I like very much, “The Love of God”. I like the way the love of God is being described as greater far than tongue or pen can ever tell. Could we with ink the ocean fill, and were the skies of parchment made, were every stalk on earth a quill, and every man a scribe by trade, to write the love of God above, would drain the oceon dry, nor could the scroll contain the whole, though stretched from sky to sky! How true! The immeasurable depths and heights of God’s love! It has to be experienced to know what it means and even then we cannot fathom the whole of it.

It is interesting to note that this 3rd stan­za, which I like very much, had been found pen­ciled on the wall of a pa­tient’s room in an in­sane asy­lum af­ter he had been car­ried to his grave, the gen­er­al opin­ion was that this in­mate had writ­ten the epic in mo­ments of san­ity (quoted from Cyber Hymnal website).

The Love of God

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.

Chorus: O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.

When years of time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men, who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Chorus: O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

Chorus: O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.

As I consider my own sins, failures and weaknesses, and how I often failed the Lord despite His consistent love and patience, I am greatly moved to seek more of His grace to walk with Him afresh, and to love Him and His people more and more. I know that I cannot do it of myself. I need the Lord’s grace and strength. I am reminded of another poem/hymn "Amazing Grace" and I thank God for His amazing grace in my life.

"Amazing Grace"

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That sav’d a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev’d;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ’d!

Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promis’d good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call’d me here below,
Will be forever mine.

John New­ton, Ol­ney Hymns (Lon­don: W. Ol­i­ver, 1779)

I thank God that I belong to Him and nothing shall ever separate me from His love. Though in this life, I have my many portions of trials, afflictions and sufferings, God is with me and graciously working all things for His glory and my good. My long and painful episodes of severe depression are God's ways of sanctifying me and drawing me nearer to know His Love and Grace. My manic episodes are periods of grace of God in which God enables me to testify of His Love and Faithfulness, and time He gives me opportunity to know Him and serve Him, to know His people and serve them.

I pray that God may continue to lead and guide me in His ways, and take me home to be with Himself when my duties here are done. Meanwhile, I continue to run the race that He has set before me, looking unto our Lord Jesus Christ who Alone is the Author and Finisher of our faith.

Romans 8:35-39
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.