Behind the Frowning Providence: Part 1 There are Dark Providences

I was re-reading portion of a small but very encouraging booklet entitled "Behind a Frowning Providence" by Mr John J Murray a retired minister and thought I will share some encouraging portions with you over the next few posts.

For you and I who suffer great pains and misery due to our depression or bipolar or other infirmities, it is sometimes hard to reconcile our understanding of what a blessed Christian life should be like with the sufferings that we have to go through or that of our loved ones. It is sometimes difficult to understand why a loving God will allow His children to go through such pains and sufferings. Other Christians may accuse us of a lack of faith and trust in God. We sometimes wonder whether we are truly a Christian and if we are, why are we going through so much troubles and pains and sufferings.

The truth is our sufferings or pains does not contradict what the Scriptures tell us of who God is, the fallen nature we have inherited through Adam's sins in the garden of Eden, what our Lord Jesus Christ has done on the cross to redeem us from, and the rich and blessed life we have in Christ when we trusted in Him as our Saviour despite the pains, suffering or dark providences we are going through even after we have become a Christian. These are paradoxes.

How can we justify the ways of God with us? As hard as it may be for us to understand some of these things, a careful study of Scriptures and understanding of the wonderful work of God in providence will unfold a new light in our darkness and a new perspective in our checkered life.

Mr Murray noted that one of the best known hymns is William Cowper's "God moves is a mysterious way, His wonder to perform". Cowper was subject to melancholy (depression) and knew more about the darker side of Christian experience than the brighter. It was out of heart-felt experience that he composed his hymn and presented in it so many precious gems of truth such as the oft-quoted lines,

Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

What is meant by a "frowning providence"? Is this something that we are to expect in the Christian life? If so, how do we cope with it?

Mr Murray said when adversity comes into our lives we tend to react in one of two ways. We may say that it happens beyond God's control and God has no power to stop it; or we may say it is an evidence of God's anger against us. Either way we are guilty of casting aspersions on the character of our Father and consequently of perverting our attitude of Him.

Thomas Boston, a minister who went through severe trials in his ministry and domestic life, due to a mentally-ill wife said:

"A just (right) view of afflicting incidents is altogether necessary to a Christian deportment (demeanor) under them. That view is to be obtained only by faith, not by sense; for it is the light of the Word alone that represents them justly, discerning in them the work of God, and consequently designs becoming the Divine perfections."

The Christian, although he is justified, remains a sinner in the midst of a fallen world. He is subject to "all the ills that flesh is heir to" (my note: I think this includes clinical depression, bipolar, asthma, diabetes, other sicknesses, disappointments, etc etc and death). Some of the consequences of his past sins affect his life. He is the subject of the discipline of His Heavenly Father. Satan concentrates his attack on him. His sufferings are compounded because he is a Christian. "In the world", our Lord warns His disciples, "you will have tribulation." (John 16:33)

The Bible leaves us with no doubt that suffering is a normal part of the true Christian life. Hebrews chapter 11 portrays the suffering witnesses of the Old Testament. The New Testament presents us with our great Example (our Lord Jesus Christ) who was "made perfect through sufferings" (Hebrews 2:10), and also with the many followers who "became partakers" in His sufferings (1 Peter 4:13). The whole emphasis in the teaching of the early church was on "rejoicing in the midst of sufferings." It is "through much tribulation" that we enter the kingdom (Acts 14:22).

Sadly, this understanding of the possibilities of Christian sufferings is far removed from the outlook that prevails in large parts of the Church today. The impression is given that the purpose of the Christian life is enjoyment. Everything that stands in the way of that is to be eliminated. People are looking for a problem-free Christianity. The health, wealth and success gospel is having a field today. Purveyors of such a gospel look the part. Unfortunately, the hollowness of such views became apparent when suffering, sorrow or disappointment comes. Then it becomes clear that we need a faith that is grounded in God's Word.

Over the next few posts I hope to share with you excerpts from Mr Murray's messages on Behind the Frowning Providences under the following headings:

2. God's Work in us through Depression, Bipolar and other Disabilities or Sufferings (God's Designs in Dark Providences)

3. Our Comfort in Dark Providences.

Personally, for me, understanding that all things are under God's controls including my depressions and bipolar, and that God is working my pains and sufferings for His glory, my good and that of His people, brings me great comfort. My bipolar, depression or any other sufferings or trials, are not an end in themselves. God can certainly heal and deliver me. But if He doesn't do it, He has good purposes in them. I may not fully understand or see things as clearly as He does. But understanding a little better why He allows Frowning Providences in my life, enable me to look beyond my pains and sufferings to the higher purposes that God has allowed them in my life. Then these become means to eternal spiritual benefits for me and other fellow Christians.

Understanding that my depression or manic are due to bipolar disorder (manic-depressive illness) and it is a medical condition that can be treated brings comfort and prevents unnecessary guilts. Others who do not understand may accuse me of lack of faith in God or my being weak or emotional. But I know that God in His sovereignty has allowed me to have this medical condition for my eternal good. Through this condition, I have been brought to a closer walk with God and I have been able to serve God by comforting others who are suffering.

God's love and His Words give me great strength and comfort as I travel this checkered road to the celestial city with many ups and downs due to depression, bipolar and other challenges. God has never promised me a life without thorns or difficulties but He has promised me unchanging love (Jeremiah 31:3), sufficient grace (2 Corinthians 12:9) and eternal life (John 3:16). He promised that He is working all things for my good even when I don't understand it (Romans 8:28). I have found God to be faithful and I can look back at how He has and is working all things for my good and for His glory. These brings me great consolations and give me courage to face each day.

If you are a Christian and you are suffering from depression now, and you are not able to feel God's presence with you nor find comfort from God's Words, do know that it is because of the chemical imbalance in your brain that is causing you not to be able to think or feel aright. Clinical depression and bipolar depression are medical condition that needs to be treated with medical and other helps. Once the chemical imbalance in your brain is restored, you will be able to enjoy God's presence with you and find comfort from His Words again. I highly recommend 6 very encouraging sermons by Dr David P Murray on "Depression and the Christian" as it will help to dispel some of the myths regarding depression and the Christian and give you a more biblical view on your current sufferings due to depression. Especially, it will prevent the dangerous and damaging misunderstanding which often leads people, especially Christians, to view medication as a rejection of God and His grace, rather than a provision of God and His grace. I hope you will seek medical and other appropriate help, so that you can be more functional and able to enjoy God, His Words, your family, your church, work, etc etc.

God's love and sovereignty is a Christian's greatest comfort admist the ups and downs through all the changing scenes of life. We may not always understand why God allows us to go through certain things, but we have no doubt at all of His love and care upon us. He Who gave His Son to die on the cross for us, will do so much more to keep us.

Thanks for stopping by. Do drop me a note, if you can, to let me know how the above excerpts has helped you. Or how has God's Words bring comfort to you in your sufferings? How has the knowledge, that God loves you and He is sovereign, strengthen you in your darkest moments?

Hope you have a blessed day!

God moves in a mysterious way
by William Cowper

God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower.

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

Thankful Thursday

Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: (Philippians 1:6)

Another Thankful Thursday for me to count my blessings and thank God for His goodness to me :-)

1) I thank God for strengthening me and enabled me to attend the evening service last Sunday. I was unwell in the morning and the Lord is good to order providence so that I attended the evening service and heard the message that I needed most to hear on that day!

Brother Linus shared from the above verse from Philippians 1:6. He spoke about the good work that God is doing in our life through saving us and the good work that He is continuing to do in us daily. I am reminded afresh that God is doing a good work in my life daily.

Sometimes I get discouraged when I felt that I am not accomplishing as much as I desired to do for the Lord daily. Sometimes I feel that I failed the Lord miserably and failed others and myself. But in reality my expectations of myself is too high and unrealistic at times. This is part of the perfectionist trait that I seemed to have and I am trying hard to change as it is not good for me. I think I am trying to do too many things and in my own strength.

So I was quite broken halfway through the worship when God's Words spoke to my heart. I was uplifted at the reminder that God is the One who is doing a good work in me and not myself. I do my best at what God wants me to do daily in His strength. I don't have the strength to do these things on my own. When I feel that I have failed or not done as good as I want, I need to learn to let go and remember that God is doing a good work! And God is daily sanctifying me by revealing my weaknesses so that I may learn more and more to depend upon Him for strength, grace and wisdom to do His will.

We are weak vessels in the hands of a mighty God and God is working in and through us to make us a blessing to others and to share His love with a perishing world so that they too may know Him.

2) I thank God for seeing a dear church aunty, Aunty Ruth, through her surgery on Tuesday and enabling her to return home yesterday to recuperate at home. I thank God for Aunty Ruth's love and prayers for me, and her many kindness.

3) I thank God for bringing two dear friends and their children home from a long overseas trip and for delivering them from a difficult trials.

4) I thank God for the joy of ministering to a group of elderly people at the evening service in my church. These group of needy elderly are mostly living on their own in very poor condition. Thank God for opening their hearts to come and listen to His Words. I have a soft spot for elderly people and they seemed to enjoy my friendship too. I pray that they may all come to know the Lord savingly.

5) I thank God for giving me His Words to guide and comfort me as I seek to walk with Him. I thank God for giving me my family, Church, friends and blogging friends, and providing tremendous support and encouragement through them.

6) I thank God for sustaining and strengthening me as I wait upon Him daily. I am still learning to manage my condition, the stress and strain of work, family, etc etc. I am finding much joy and contentment in the Lord now as I learn to let go and let God work through me :-) Praise Him!


How about you? How has the Lord blessed you through the past week?

Thanks for stopping by. Hope you have a blessed and thankful day!

For more participants of Thankful Thursday, do visit Iris at Sting My Heart. It will be a very blessed and spiritually uplifting experience for you!

Word-Filled Wednesday

(This photo is taken by my friend, Sau, at Saipan)

Very often in my life, when I go through very difficult time, I have wondered how I will ever get through the days as I felt I have no strength to go through that particular trials. But God in His mercies and faithfulness have always given me strength to go through these difficulties. And many times these difficult experiences have drawn me nearer to God as I experience His sustaining grace and strength equal to my tasks. I realized that when I am weak then His strength is made perfect in my weaknesses. It always encourages my heart when I see how the Lord is helping me and strengthening me.

I am thankful to God that though I have been unwell recently, God has been the strength of my heart and my joy daily. I am learning to slow down and to rest in God's love and sufficiency. I am comforted by the knowledge that though my flesh and heart may fail at time, God is the strength of my heart and my portion for ever.

Thanks for stopping by and for your prayers and encouragements.

May this verse encourage you too and God will be the strength of your heart and your portion for ever.

Hope you have a blessed day!

For more Word-Filled Wednesday participants, do visit Amy at The 160 Acre Woods. It will be a very blessed and spiritually uplifting experience for you!

Thou art my hope in the day of evil - Jeremiah 17:17

Thank you, dear Reader, for stopping by.

Thanks, Bpd, Michelle, Mari, Preciousrock, Jena, Marissa, Paula, for your prayers and encouragements. It's so good to have you back, Mari. I hope you have had a good rest. Thank you, Preciousrock, for stopping by. And welcome to my blog :-) I had a quick look at your blog and will return to read more.

Thanks all for your concerns, prayers and kind words which touched my heart. Thank God for all of you. It is encouraging to know that others care and are praying for me :-)

Jena has kindly suggested that it may be good for me to write a short post to update all of you and I think that's a great idea. Thanks for suggesting that, Jena :-)

Thank you for your prayers. Thank God for strengthening me. I am feeling better and learning to rest in God and depend more on His strength. I am learning to slow down and not try to do too many things. I am still feeling tired and experiencing mood swings but learning to cut down on my activities and rest whenever I can.

So dear friends, please take care. Try not to overstrain yourself too. Thank God that writing is therapeutic to us all. I am keeping you in my prayers too. And thanks again for coming by and leaving me such sweet encouraging notes :-)

May God bless and keep you near to Him. Have a blessed day!

This morning I read this encouraging devotional note from CH Spurgeon and I cut and paste it from a free Bible software "e-sword". e-sword is free and have many version of Bible, Commentaries, Devotional notes, etc etc. You can download and install on you computer. It's very useful.

Thank God that He is our hope in time of difficulties. Though we are weak, He is strong. Praise Him!

Thou art my hope in the day of evil - Jeremiah 17:17

The path of the Christian is not always bright with sunshine; he has his seasons of darkness and of storm.

True, it is written in God’s Word, “Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace;” and it is a great truth, that religion is calculated to give a man happiness below as well as bliss above; but experience tells us that if the course of the just be “As the shining light that shineth more and more unto the perfect day,” yet sometimes that light is eclipsed. At certain periods clouds cover the believer’s sun, and he walks in darkness and sees no light.

There are many who have rejoiced in the presence of God for a season; they have basked in the sunshine in the earlier stages of their Christian career; they have walked along the “green pastures” by the side of the “still waters,” but suddenly they find the glorious sky is clouded; instead of the Land of Goshen they have to tread the sandy desert; in the place of sweet waters, they find troubled streams, bitter to their taste, and they say, “Surely, if I were a child of God, this would not happen.” Oh! say not so, thou who art walking in darkness. The best of God’s saints must drink the wormwood; the dearest of his children must bear the cross.

No Christian has enjoyed perpetual prosperity; no believer can always keep his harp from the willows. Perhaps the Lord allotted you at first a smooth and unclouded path, because you were weak and timid. He tempered the wind to the shorn lamb, but now that you are stronger in the spiritual life, you must enter upon the riper and rougher experience of God’s full-grown children.

We need winds and tempests to exercise our faith, to tear off the rotten bough of self-dependence, and to root us more firmly in Christ.

The day of evil reveals to us the value of our glorious hope.

(taken from CH Spurgeon's Morning and Evening, 29 Morning.)

Planning for more Down Time

Okay, I need a BREAK!

I have over-strained myself physically and mentally again :-(

I was unwell yesterday and I rested. I do feel better today but realized that I REALLY REALLY need to SLOW DOWN :0

Thanks all for stopping by, for praying and all your encouragements :-)

Sorry that I need to take a break now. I will not be posting as often as I did previously. But I will still try and visit your blogs whenever I can. I am going to plan for more DOWN TIME :-) Not sure how to do that, but I will try ;-)

For several weeks I have been working from home on some freelance work. I am thankful to God for providing these works for me so that I can provide for my mum and myself. Freelance really works well for me because it allows me to work from home. But the problem with me is I am some kind of a perfectionist and workaholic. I tend to take on more projects than I can manage and I tend to overstrain myself physically and mentally. And even when I don't have too many freelance projects, I am still occupied daily with so many things. I spent quite a lot of time blogging. I love to write as you probably notice :P. I will visit my blogging friends almost every day. I am making bookmarks, writing to friends, corresponding with penpals who has found me through my blog, etc etc.

These recent weeks I am beginning to feel the physical and mental strain. Thank God for sustaining me day by day. But I realized that I am getting more stressed up easily, more tired easily and sometimes I get panic attacks or anxieties attack. My mind seems to be working overtime. I can't stop thinking. So many things go through my mind daily. Do you have such experiences?

Being so unwell yesterday is a warning sign from God! God made our bodies in such a way that when we are over-straining physically or mentally, our bodies sent forth signs. We are forced to slow down and rest.

I am becoming more aware nowadays of my mood swings and I do notice that I have been experiencing a mixture of manic and a little depression. In the past, I went through these without awareness and after some weeks or months, I will plunged into severe depression that will last for months and I will not be able to function much. Now I am learning to be more aware.

Recently, a brother-in-Christ asked me how I am coping. I told him I am trying to slow down. He said, Good, try harder! Okay, so I am going to try harder ;-)

Maybe I will take breaks in between my freelance work and go out for briskwalkings. I need more of the sun and fresh air. Maybe I will bring my mum out sometimes or visit church friends or have tea with some friends. Maybe even go to the library. And I hope to have opportunities to take some photos of nature, of trees, plants, beach, etc. I missed the beach :-)

I am going to spend more time to read the Bible, to pray and read some books. Maybe I will also try to memorise some Bible verses. And possibly catch up with my cross-stitch.

Opps! I thought I am planning more Down Time! Am I overloading myself again ;-)

Okay. That's all for now.

I wish you a wonderful and blessed week. And I am going to leave you with this sweet portion which my brother-in-Christ, George, just emailed me:

THE FOUR BLESSED LOOKS

Look back and "Thank" God.
Look forward and "Trust" God.
Look around and "Serve" God.
Look within and "Find" God!"

I asked God, 'How do I get the best out of life?' God said, 'Face your past without regrets. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear!'"

"Without God, our week is:
Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday, Shatterday and Sinday. So, allow Him to be with you every day!"

"Life is short, so forgive quickly. Believe slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. Never regret anything that makes you happy. And have a wonderful journey!!

God Bless.

Have a blessed week! And take care. See you soon, God willing :-)

Be Still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)

This morning I was unwell and not able to go to church for worship. I am praying that God will strengthen me and enable me to go for evening worship this evening. I missed worship and fellowship. Though I read the Bible and pray everyday, going to church is a totally different experience which I cherish very much. It is always very refreshing to my soul when I can go for public worship. God's Words uplift my soul and give me strength for the week ahead. And I missed my church friends :)

The last few weeks have been busy weeks for me. As I am still learning to manage my condition, work, family, stress, perfectionism, etc etc, I do feel a little overwhelmed at times. Thank God for the rest today. God created the world in 6 days and He rested on the seventh. And so today is a day of rest for both body and soul.

I am thankful that I can rest in God daily too admist all the hustle and bustle of life. I still feel very very tired every evening and sometimes in the morning too the moment I wake up. There seemed to be so many things I want to do and I think I need to do daily and yet I never seemed to get most things done. Hmm, I suspect this is either my manic or my perfectionist trait playing me out again :)

Thank God for the reminders to me through His precious Words:

Be still
Be still, and know that I am God: Psalm 46:10

Come unto Jesus
Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28

Don't be anxious, pray to God, give thanks and God will give me peace
Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

Don't worry, do God's works and He will take care of me
Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Matthew 6:25, 33 - 34

God's Words always encourage me. My physical tiredness or mental strain seems so much lighter when I put them all aside and just lost myself in God's love and precious promises. It is my encouragement that God will give me strength in Him daily as I learn to look to Him. Sometimes I tend to forget to cast my anxieties or burdens upon the Lord, and try to do too many things in my own strength. Any wonder that I am so tired out :)

I pray God will enable me to rest in His presence with me and enable me to cling on to His precious promises to carry me through this coming week.

May God also give you strength and joy today and everyday!

Coping with Perfectionism

Many people in various stages in my life has told me every now and then that they think I am a perfectionist. I am not too sure the actual definition of a person who has perfectionism as character traits. But I think to some extend I have some of the characteristics in some areas of my life, not every area.

I hope to understand what is Perfectionism, how it is affecting me and what can I do to manage or change areas that need to be changed. I suspect that sometimes this character trait is the culprit to some of my relapses of severe depression. And it is probably the reason why when I am well or manic, I will try and do 101 things and pushed myself so hard that I go through a lot of stress and strain. I think is crucial for me to understand how this character trait is affecting me adversely as it will help greatly in my management of depression and bipolar.

I found this very helpful article on What is Perfectionism on Coping.org:Tools for Coping with Life's Stressors

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is:

• the irrational belief that you and/or your environment must be perfect
• the striving to be the best, to reach the ideal, and to never make a mistake
• an all pervasive attitude that whatever you attempt in life must be done letter perfect with no deviation, mistakes, slip ups, or inconsistencies
• a habit developed from youth that keeps you constantly alert to the imperfections, failings, and weakness in yourself and others
• a level of consciousness that keeps you ever vigilant to any deviations from the norm, the guidelines, or the way things are "supposed to be''
• the underlying motive present in the fear of failure and fear of rejection, i.e., if I am not perfect I will fail and/or I will be rejected by others
• a reason why you may be fearful of success, i.e., if I achieve my goal, will I be able to continue, maintain that level of achievement
• a rigid, moralistic outlook that does not allow for humanism or imperfection
• an inhibiting factor that keeps you from making a commitment to change habitual, unproductive behavior out of fear of not making the change "good enough''
• the belief that no matter what you attempt it is never "good enough'' to meet your own or others' expectations

What irrational beliefs contribute to perfectionism?

• Everything in life must be done to your level of perfection, which is often higher than anyone else's.
• It is unacceptable to make a mistake.
• You must always reach the ideal no matter what.
• If those in authority say this is the way it is supposed to be, then that is the way it is supposed to be.
• You are a loser if you cannot be perfect.
• It is what you achieve rather than who you are that is important.
• I have no value in life unless I am successful.
• There is no sense in trying to do something unless I can do it perfectly, e.g., "I don't attempt things I can't do well.''
• If I have a failure or experience a set back in my efforts to change then I should give up.
• The ideal is what is real; unless I reach the ideal I am a failure.
• There are so many roadblocks and pitfalls to keep me from succeeding. It is better just to give up and forget my goal.
• Unless I am "Number One'' there is no sense in trying. Everyone knows what "Number Two'' is. To win is the only acceptable goal.
• If you screw up in your efforts to achieve a goal, just give up. It must be too hard to achieve.
• You must always strive to reach the ideal in everything you do because it is in the achievement of the ideal that you give meaning to your life.
• Don't ever let anyone know what goal you're working on. That way they won't consider you a failure if you don't reach it.
• If you can't do it right the first time, why try to do it at all?
• There is only one way to reach a goal: the right way.
• It takes too much effort and energy to reach a goal. I save myself the aggravation and discouragement by not setting goals for myself.
• I'll never be able to change and grow the way I want to, so why try.
• I am a human being prone to error, frailty and imperfections; therefore, I won't be able to accomplish things in a perfect or ideal way. I'll just give up on achieving any of my goals or desires.

What are some negative consequences of perfectionism?

Examples of the negative consequences of perfectionism include:

Low self-esteem. Because a perfectionist never feels "good enough'' about personal performance, feelings of being a "failure'' or a "loser'' with a lessening of self-confidence and self-esteem may result.

Guilt. Because a perfectionist never feels good about the way responsibility has been handled in life (by himself or others) a sense of shame, self recrimination, and guilt may result.

Pessimism. Since a perfectionist is convinced that it will be extremely difficult to achieve an "ideal goal,'' he can easily become discouraged, fatalistic, disheartened, and pessimistic about future efforts to reach a goal.

Depression. Needing always to be "perfect,'' yet recognizing that it is impossible to achieve such a goal, a perfectionist runs the risk of feeling down, blue, and depressed.

Rigidity. Needing to have everything in one's life perfect or "just so'' can lead a perfectionistic to an extreme case of being inflexible, non-spontaneous, and rigid.

Obsessiveness. Being in need of an excessive amount of order, pattern, or structure in life can lead a perfectionistic person to become nit-picky, finicky, or obsessive in an effort to maintain a certain order.

Compulsive behavior. Over-indulgence or the compulsive use of alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, shopping, sex, smoking, risk-taking, or novelty, is often used to medicate a perfectionist who feels like a failure or loser for never being able to be "good enough'' in life.

Lack of motivation. Believing that the goal of "change'' will never be able to be ideally or perfectly achieved can often give a perfectionist a lack of motivation to attempt change in the first place, or to persevere if change has already begun.

Immobilization. Because a perfectionist is often burdened with an extreme fear of failure, the person can become immobilized. With no energy, effort or creative juices applied to rectify, improve, or change the problem behavior in the person's life, he becomes stagnant.

Lack of belief in self. Knowing that one will never be able to achieve an idyllic goal can lead a perfectionist to lose the belief that he will ever be able to improve his life significantly.

What rational behaviors are needed to overcome perfectionistic tendencies?

To overcome perfectionism one needs to:

• accept self as a human being
• forgive self for mistakes or failings
• put self back on the wagon immediately after falling off
• accept that the ``ideal'' is only a guideline or goal to be worked toward, not to be achieved 100%
• set realistic and flexible time frames for the achievement of a goal
• develop a sense of patience and to reduce the need to "get it done yesterday''
• be easier on oneself; setting unrealistic or unreasonable goals or deadlines sets you up for failure
• recognize that the human condition is one of failings, weakness, deviations, imperfections, and mistakes; it is acceptable to be human
• recognize that one's backsliding does not mean the end of the world; it is OK to pick oneself up and start all over again
• develop an ability to use "thought stopping'' techniques whenever you find yourself mentally scolding yourself for not being "good enough''
• visualize reality as it will be for a "human'' rather than for a "super human''
• learn to accept yourself the way you are; let go of the ideas of how you "should be''
• enjoy success and achievement with a healthy self-pride, and eliminate the need for self deprecation or false humility
• learn to enjoy success without the need to second guess your ability to sustain the achievement
• reward yourself for your progress, to reinforce your efforts to change even when progress is slight or doesn't meet up to your idealistic expectations
• love yourself; to believe that you deserve good things
• to eliminate unrealistic expectations and the idea that you are infallible
• visualize yourself as "winning'' even when it takes more energy, and more perseverance, than what you had planned
• let go of rigid, moralistic judgments of your performance and to develop an open, compassionate understanding for the hard times, obstacles, and temptations
• be flexible in setting goals and be willing to reassess your plan from time to time to keep things realistic
• be open to the idea that you will be successful in your efforts to change, even if you are not "first,'' "the best,'' "the model,'' "the star pupil,'' "the exemplar,'' "the finest''
• realize that the important thing is to be going in a positive direction

How can a social support system help in overcoming perfectionism?

Social support systems can help you overcome perfectionism if you:

• select realistic people who are not perfectionistic in their own life
• encourage your support system members to not be rigid or moralistic in their attempts to keep you on an honest course
• have support people who role model forgiving and forgetting when mistakes, failures, offenses, or backsliding occur
• have given them permission to call you on being "too hard,'' "too brutal,'' "too rigid,'' "too unrealistic,'' or "too idealistic'' in your expectations
• have people who will give positive reinforcement for any positive change, no matter how small or slight it is
• select trustworthy people who are open, honest, and have a sincere interest in your personal growth

Steps to overcome perfectionism

Step 1: In your journal, answer the following questions:

a. What characteristics of perfectionism are true for me? How do these perfectionistic traits impede my efforts to change my problematic behavior?

b. What irrational beliefs of perfectionists do I ascribe to? How do these beliefs influence my desire to change? How do these beliefs contribute to a failure script in my efforts to change? What rational alternatives can I adopt to reduce the negative impact of perfectionism in my life?

c. What are the negative consequences of perfectionism in my life? What am I doing to address these negative issues in my life? How do these negative issues affect my past and current efforts to change my problematical behavior?

d. What new rational behavior do I need to develop in order to overcome the negative impact of perfectionism? How will these new behavior traits help me to fully achieve change in my life?

e. How can my social support system help me in overcoming my perfectionistic attitude? What contributes to perfectionism in my support system? What changes in my support system would reduce its perfectionistic character?

f. How does dealing with my perfectionism help me in my efforts to change? How well does perfectionism explain why past attempts to change have failed?

Step 2: In your journal, identify a problematic behavioral pattern you want to change; then list the characteristic negative behavior traits of the pattern. For each of the negative characteristics list positive alternative behavior traits. For each of the new alternative behavior list your likelihood of achieving them 100% of the time. How many new behavior traits could you achieve 100% of the time?

Step 3: Once you have recognized that no change can be achieved 100% of the time, continue changing your problematic behavior patterns. If you continue to be hindered by perfectionism, return to Step 1 and begin again.

(Coping.org is a Public Service of James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance M. Messina, Ph.D., Email: jjmess@tampabay.rr.com ©1999-2007 James J. Messina, Ph.D. & Constance Messina, Ph.D. Note: Original materials on this site may be reproduced for your personal, educational, or noncommercial use as long as you credit the authors and website.)


Hmm... It's going to take me quite some time to digest the above information. But one quick look through, I can identify some of the things mentioned above :)

I recognize that there are pros and cons in every situation and character traits. It has its strength and weaknesses. I hope I can try to make better use of its strength and minimize the adverse effect of it's weaknesses.

I will try to work through the list slowly to identify the traits that I have and also try Steps to overcome perfectionism given above. I pray God will help me to manage my perfectionism so that it will not bring me down into depression again but that it can work for my good and others good. I hope to share with you my findings next week if I managed to work through this article. I think it is very helpful to me.

How about you? Do you also have some perfectionism in your character traits? Or are you the more easy going type? How do you cope? What are the advantages or disadvantages you have experienced due to it?

I hope you will find this article useful to you too if you also struggle to cope with perfectionism :-)

Thanks for stopping by. Do leave a comment and share your thoughts with me, if any, as I really love to hear from you :)

Thank you. Take care. Have a great weekends!

I've been tagged! by Marissa

I have been tagged by Marissa. Sorry, for taking so long, Marissa. I am answering your Survey now :)

The rules are:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you've posted your answer.

1) What was I doing 10 yrs ago?

I was about to graduate from the Bible College. Thank God I survived 4 stressful but blessed years in the Bible College. Busy writing my thesis in preparation for my graduation in May 1998.

2) What are 5 things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

1. Reply to some emails
2. Visit my blogging friends
3. Go with my mum to buy grocery
4. Work on one freelance project
5. Slow down towards the evening, pray, read the Bible and prepare my heart for the Lord's day tomorrow

3) Snacks I enjoy:

Fruits, biscuits, brownie, chocolates, salad, peanuts and any other nuts ( I love nuts ;) ).

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

Give a portion to every family member. Give a portion to my church. Give another portion to charity.

Publish a book on my experiences with Bipolar Disorder. Compile materials I have found useful from the internet and other sources into a book on the Resources for Coping with Depression and Bipolar Disorder.

Help to raise awareness in Singapore on the needs of those with mental health issues and set up centres to provide all kinds of help that they need.

Set up an Elderly Care Centre or a Nursing Home. I have a passion to minister to elderly people and a soft spot for them :)

Set up an Orphanage. It always break my heart to see children forsaken or becoming orphans.

Set up more schools and centres to help children and adults with special needs ie those who struggles with autism, dyslexia, down syndrome, delayed speech, etc etc. I have worked with children with special needs and my heart goes out to them. They have great challenges in their life and more is needed to help them and equip them to live as independently as possible.

Wow! There seemed to be so many things I want to do if I were a billionaire ;)

5) Three of my bad habits:

1. Eating too much chocolate and ice-cream.
2. Procastinating.
3. Talking too much or writing too long :)

6) 5 places I have lived (all the places I have lived):

1. Johor Bahru, Johor, Malaysia (I was born there)
2. Singapore (where I am living now)
3. Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
4. Brunei
5. Sydney, Australia

7) 5 jobs I have had:

1. Computer Club Teacher in a School
2. English Teacher in a Learning Centre
3. Clinic Assistant
4. Aircraft Seat Planner at Changi Airport, Singapore
5. Administrator of several organizations

8) 5 peeps I wanna know more about:

1. Jenalexa
2. Merelyme
3. Anne
4. Diane
5. Bipolar Blacklight (Pocket)


Okay. Now you know me a little better ;)

I can be quite playful at times too ;) I think there is always a little child in us ;)

Have a great weekend! And blessed Lord's day.